Moving On May Require Giving Up Apologies, Change, and Closure
The article says people can remain trapped in painful relationships by waiting for an apology, for the other person to change, or for a satisfying sense of closure. It advises shifting attention away from the person who caused harm and toward rebuilding one's own needs and self-relationship. Healing is framed as reclaiming inner stability rather than depending on the wounder to repair it.
The piece draws on Najwa Zebian, a Lebanese-Canadian writer and educator, whose book argues that harmful bonds themselves contain the injury, so the person who caused pain cannot be the source of repair. It identifies three common traps: expecting an apology, hoping someone will become different, and waiting for another person to restore one’s sense of self.
The article also notes research on relationship expectations: commitment can hinge more on imagined future satisfaction than present reality. It encourages grieving unmet needs and promises, redirecting attention inward, and treating self-connection as the foundation for moving forward.
Readers navigating hurtful relationships may find the framing validating, potentially reducing pressure to seek apologies or closure from someone who caused harm. This could shift some toward self-directed coping, therapy, or support networks, while others may interpret it as discouraging accountability or reconciliation. Its impact likely depends on individual circumstances, cultural expectations, and whether readers have access to mental health resources.