Parental Regret Without Self-Blame
Parents can have loving intentions yet still cause unintended pain for their children. The article distinguishes taking responsibility for one's parenting from accepting blame or condemning oneself. Regret can be valuable when it changes how a parent relates to an adult child in the present.
In therapy, Donovan, 50, and his 23-year-old daughter Inez confront their growing distance. Inez says she felt relentlessly pushed in school, kept from friends and sports, and convinced she was a disappointment. Donovan later links his strictness to his younger sister Estella, whose opioid addiction, teenage motherhood, adoption decision, and precarious adult life he hoped Inez would escape.
The piece lists ways a parent might respond to regret: defending the behavior, blaming the child, offering a conditional apology, collapsing into shame, or taking a middle path. That last approach accepts that caring motives can still wound, owns one’s part without self-hatred, and lets regret alter how a parent treats an adult child now.
This story may resonate with parents of adult children and with adult children carrying old hurts. By separating accountability from blame, it could encourage family conversations that acknowledge unintended harm without demanding self-punishment. Therapists and families may find the framework useful for rebuilding trust, though its impact depends on each relationship’s willingness to listen and change.